Lessons I Learned About Love and Relationships
I wanted to write a blog for Valentine’s Day. I wanted to write about love. I wanted to write about relationships. What I realized I wanted to write was a love note to myself about what I wish I had known when I was 16. So here it is.
I know you think you’re in love now, but this is just the beginning. Enjoy these moments of high school romance, love notes, sweet gestures, dumb fights, silly jealousy and late-night phone calls. Cherish the simple fact that this love won’t last forever, but it will always stay with you. The way you are treated now should set the standard for what you always deserve. You deserve a love that is big and beautiful.
But it won’t always look like this.
You’re going to be with men who don’t treat you well. You’re going to be with boys who think they are men. You’re going to be in relationships that test you before you feel ready. You’re going to be in situations where you want to say no. SAY NO. And don’t feel guilty for not being ready.
You are an attractive young woman. You will get attention from men. Don’t let this attention define you. It is not who you are. It is not your worth or value. It is merely an external factor you cannot control. Your value, worth and gifts are in your heart and soul. Let them shine.
You are going to choose men that need to be saved. Learn to decipher the difference between mothering someone, rescuing them and fixing them and being supportive and loving. It is not your job to save anyone. You have beautiful abilities to hold space and help people grow. Know your boundaries and protect yourself.
A lot of people dress or act a certain way because they feel that’s important to get attention and validation. Dress the way you want. But don’t dress for other people. Dress the way you feel comfortable, empowered and authentic.
Know when to walk away. You’re going to be in relationships much longer than you want because you are scared and a people pleaser. But know that the moment you choose yourself and walk away, life blossoms and you can breathe again.
You’re a very serious person, and this will continue. Learn to have fun. Be with people who make you laugh so hard you cry. Find someone that knows how to make you giggle when you’re crying. Let him hold you, and dance with you and wipe away your tears. Find the playfulness in your relationships.
Learn to love yourself. Society and your environment will tell you that you need a man to complete you. This isn’t true. You are whole on your own. But you must learn to love yourself to the very core, before you can enter into a relationship. It is two wholes that make being in relationship successful. Do the work. Ugly cry. Find yourself. He will come.
Take things slow. You’re going to want to marry every single guy. You’ll want to live with them. Your obsession with wanting to be married and have children will get the best of you. Learn to slow down and truly get to know someone. Go through the dark stuff with them. See how they react. Let things play out. It’s okay to not have it all right now. It’s going to happen when it’s meant to. Let go.
You’re going to get to a point where you’re so in love, but the timing is off. Remember that what’s yours, will be yours. If it’s meant for you, it will be. Surrender everything and trust that it all works out for you.
Happy Valentine’s Day. I see you. I hear you. And I love you. It will all be okay.